Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Punchlines

Punchlines!!

1. I'm a nobody, nobody is
    perfect, and therefore I'm
    perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and
    work out where I stand.
 
3. If I save time, when do I
    get it back?
 
4. Where there's a will, I
     want to be in it.
 
5. I am free of all
    prejudices. I hate
    everyone equally.
 
6. Take my advice, I don't
     use it anyway.
 
7. The statement below is
     true. 
     The statement above is
      false.
 
8. As I said before, I never
    repeat myself.
 
9. Sometimes I need what
     only you can provide:
     your absence.
 
10. I wish there was a knob
      on the TV to turn up the
      intelligence. There's a
      knob called brightness,
      but it doesn't work.
 
11. A conscience does not
       prevent sin. It only
       prevents you from
       enjoying it.
 
12. If at first you don't
      succeed, skydiving is
      not for you.
 
13. War doesn't determine
       who's right. War
       determines who's left.
 
14. Best way to prevent
       hangover is to stay
       drunk.
 
15. Doesn't expecting the
       unexpected make the
       unexpected become the
       expected?
 
16. If your father is a poor
       man, it is your fate, but,
       if your father-in-law is a
       poor man, it's your
       stupidity.
 
17. I was born intelligent -
       education ruined me.
 
18. A bus station is where a
       bus stops. A train
       station is where train
       stops. On my desk, I
       have a work station...
       What more can I say
 
19. If it's true that we are
      here to help others, then,
      what exactly are the
      others here for?
 
20. Since light travels faster
       than sound, people
       appear bright until you
       hear them speak.
 
21. How come "abbreviated"
       is such a long word
 
22. Don't frown. You never
       know who is falling in
       love with your smile.
 
23. The Best of Proverbs:
       Should women have
       children after 35?  No,
       35 children are enough
 
24. Living on Earth may be
       expensive... but it
       includes an annual free
       trip around the Sun.
 
25. Your future depends on
       your dreams So go to
       sleep!
 
26. ALCOHOL KILLS
       SLOWLY So what?
        who's in a hurry?
 
27. Whom are you working
       for? Same people. My
       wife and kids
 
28. Can you do anything
       that other people can't?
       Sure, I can read my
       handwriting.
 
29. A drunk was hauled into
      court. 
      Mister, the judge began,  
     you've been brought here
     for drinking....  Great, the
     drunk exclaimed. When
     do we get started?

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