Punchlines

Punchlines!!

1. I'm a nobody, nobody is

    perfect, and therefore I'm

    perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and

    work out where I stand.

 

3. If I save time, when do I

    get it back?

 

4. Where there's a will, I

     want to be in it.

 

5. I am free of all

    prejudices. I hate

    everyone equally.

 

6. Take my advice, I don't

     use it anyway.

 

7. The statement below is

     true. 

     The statement above is

      false.

 

8. As I said before, I never

    repeat myself.

 

9. Sometimes I need what

     only you can provide:

     your absence.

 

10. I wish there was a knob

      on the TV to turn up the

      intelligence. There's a

      knob called brightness,

      but it doesn't work.

 

11. A conscience does not

       prevent sin. It only

       prevents you from

       enjoying it.

 

12. If at first you don't

      succeed, skydiving is

      not for you.

 

13. War doesn't determine

       who's right. War

       determines who's left.

 

14. Best way to prevent

       hangover is to stay

       drunk.

 

15. Doesn't expecting the

       unexpected make the

       unexpected become the

       expected?

 

16. If your father is a poor

       man, it is your fate, but,

       if your father-in-law is a

       poor man, it's your

       stupidity.

 

17. I was born intelligent -

       education ruined me.

 

18. A bus station is where a

       bus stops. A train

       station is where train

       stops. On my desk, I

       have a work station...

       What more can I say

 

19. If it's true that we are

      here to help others, then,

      what exactly are the

      others here for?

 

20. Since light travels faster

       than sound, people

       appear bright until you

       hear them speak.

 

21. How come "abbreviated"

       is such a long word

 

22. Don't frown. You never

       know who is falling in

       love with your smile.

 

23. The Best of Proverbs:

       Should women have

       children after 35?  No,

       35 children are enough

 

24. Living on Earth may be

       expensive... but it

       includes an annual free

       trip around the Sun.

 

25. Your future depends on

       your dreams So go to

       sleep!

 

26. ALCOHOL KILLS

       SLOWLY So what?

        who's in a hurry?

 

27. Whom are you working

       for? Same people. My

       wife and kids

 

28. Can you do anything

       that other people can't?

       Sure, I can read my

       handwriting.

 

29. A drunk was hauled into

      court. 

      Mister, the judge began,  

     you've been brought here

     for drinking....  Great, the

     drunk exclaimed. When

     do we get started?