Punny.....

·        A dentist and a
manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

·        A thief who stole a calendar . . .
got twelve months.
·        
·        Acupuncture : . . . a
jab well done.

·        I'm reading a book about
anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

·        Did you hear about the guy whose
whole left side was cut off?   He's all right now.

·        It's not that the man did not know
how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

·        I was going to look for my missing
watch, but I could never find the time.

·        I used to have a fear of hurdles,
but I got over it.

·        A hole has been found in the nudist
camp wall. The police are looking into it.

·        Police were called to a daycare
where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

·        He drove his expensive car into a
tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
·        
.
·        I used to be addicted to soap, but
I'm clean now.
·        

·        A new type of broom came out, it is
sweeping the nation.
·        
·        
·        When William joined the army he
disliked the phrase 'fire at will'. 
·        
·        The butcher backed up into the meat
grinder and got a little behind in his work.

·        I wanted to lose weight so I went
to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
·        Lightning sometimes shocks people
because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

·        A prisoner's favorite punctuation
mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

·        A rule of grammar: double negatives
are a no-no.

·        Sleeping comes so naturally to me,
I could do it with my eyes closed.

·        Atheists don't solve exponential
equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

·        It's raining cats and dogs. Well,
as long as it doesn't reindeer.
·        
 
·        My new theory on inertia doesn't
seem to be gaining momentum.

·        The man who survived mustard gas
and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

·        What did the grape say when it got
stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
·        
·        If you don't pay your exorcist you
get repossessed.

·        The dead batteries were given out
free of charge.
·        
·        Pencils could be made with erasers
at both ends, but what would be the point?