Kanya varayathi roopam, Maatha Viththam,
Pitha shrutham, Kulam bandhavah,
Mishtannam Itharey janah
This is simple sanskrit. (This was told by Mr. Chatterjee, Labour officer
when I was posted in Bengal, while on our way to attend a marriage. Later I
found this quotation by Shri Mallinatha Suri in his commentary of Kumara
Sambhavam of Kalidasa )
These were the criteria observed by our forefathers while choosing a
bridegroom for the daughter. Those were the days when the entire family was
concerned in arranging marriages.
The bride, then a very young girl, was concerned about the looks, the mother
about the wealth, Father about the education and the close relatives about
the lineage. (All put together should mean an ideal bridegroom.) All
others about the feast !!
In those days the entire clan functioned as a unit. After marriage the
bride got integrated into her husband"s family, her prestige was this
family"s prestige. Her "porandham" was secondary.
The Parents of the bride was the most worried . They considered themselves
as the trustee for the girl to be handed over to the right family. ( Even
the King Janaka was worried when he was not getting a suitable match for
Seetha) They would be held responsible for any shortcomings in her. They
would train her in her responsibilities from a very young age. They would
start the search even as early as five years of age! The parents of the
groom were a proud lot, sit cross legged and would dictate terms! ( What a
change in these days! )
Of course, there were many instances of discord,injustice, harassment,
humiliation, but by and large the system worked over centuries. There was
stability of family structure even under severe stresses like natural
disasters, invasions, migrations etc. There was commitment to family values
and the members stuck together through thick and thin.
Gradually changes have taken place in educational,employment opportunities.
Individual members drifted to far off places. Thus large families split up.
The joint families gave way to neuclear families. Still there was a bond
like Thatha pattis,Periappa periamma, chithappa chithi, Aththan aththanga
etc. On occasions they would all gather. There are numerous instances where
relatives stepped in to support any of their unfortunate clan members.
Opinions of family group was sought on important matters like marriage.
Nowadays with further dispersal of family members even this is either not
possible or given the gobye. So far parents have been acting as facilitators
in so called "arranged marriages".
Kanya/Varan is ABCD,earns a Lakh and a half ............., Iyer/Iyengar,
Vadamal/ Thengalai/ etc.etc, Age .., Height ...cm, weight..Kg Gothram this,
Nakshathram that. Subsects acceptable. Look for a suitable varan/ Kanya !
who should be more/less in all these! So what to do? Scratch the head !
Why scratch the head? ' Internet Mama ' is there. He settles matters. He
can cast a very wide net from California to Hongkong and fish out the most
suitable match. No need for formalities like Parents meeting, then Pen
Parthal etc. He does that also.
But...But.. Even he may have to scratch his head if he is given the above
guidelines. So give the revised programme.
' Kanya varayathi Viththam, Varan varayathi Viththam, Matha Viththam, Pitha
Viththam, Sarvam Viththam, Mishtannam(Dinner) Itheray janah'
Pitha shrutham, Kulam bandhavah,
Mishtannam Itharey janah
This is simple sanskrit. (This was told by Mr. Chatterjee, Labour officer
when I was posted in Bengal, while on our way to attend a marriage. Later I
found this quotation by Shri Mallinatha Suri in his commentary of Kumara
Sambhavam of Kalidasa )
These were the criteria observed by our forefathers while choosing a
bridegroom for the daughter. Those were the days when the entire family was
concerned in arranging marriages.
The bride, then a very young girl, was concerned about the looks, the mother
about the wealth, Father about the education and the close relatives about
the lineage. (All put together should mean an ideal bridegroom.) All
others about the feast !!
In those days the entire clan functioned as a unit. After marriage the
bride got integrated into her husband"s family, her prestige was this
family"s prestige. Her "porandham" was secondary.
The Parents of the bride was the most worried . They considered themselves
as the trustee for the girl to be handed over to the right family. ( Even
the King Janaka was worried when he was not getting a suitable match for
Seetha) They would be held responsible for any shortcomings in her. They
would train her in her responsibilities from a very young age. They would
start the search even as early as five years of age! The parents of the
groom were a proud lot, sit cross legged and would dictate terms! ( What a
change in these days! )
Of course, there were many instances of discord,injustice, harassment,
humiliation, but by and large the system worked over centuries. There was
stability of family structure even under severe stresses like natural
disasters, invasions, migrations etc. There was commitment to family values
and the members stuck together through thick and thin.
Gradually changes have taken place in educational,employment opportunities.
Individual members drifted to far off places. Thus large families split up.
The joint families gave way to neuclear families. Still there was a bond
like Thatha pattis,Periappa periamma, chithappa chithi, Aththan aththanga
etc. On occasions they would all gather. There are numerous instances where
relatives stepped in to support any of their unfortunate clan members.
Opinions of family group was sought on important matters like marriage.
Nowadays with further dispersal of family members even this is either not
possible or given the gobye. So far parents have been acting as facilitators
in so called "arranged marriages".
Kanya/Varan is ABCD,earns a Lakh and a half ............., Iyer/Iyengar,
Vadamal/ Thengalai/ etc.etc, Age .., Height ...cm, weight..Kg Gothram this,
Nakshathram that. Subsects acceptable. Look for a suitable varan/ Kanya !
who should be more/less in all these! So what to do? Scratch the head !
Why scratch the head? ' Internet Mama ' is there. He settles matters. He
can cast a very wide net from California to Hongkong and fish out the most
suitable match. No need for formalities like Parents meeting, then Pen
Parthal etc. He does that also.
But...But.. Even he may have to scratch his head if he is given the above
guidelines. So give the revised programme.
' Kanya varayathi Viththam, Varan varayathi Viththam, Matha Viththam, Pitha
Viththam, Sarvam Viththam, Mishtannam(Dinner) Itheray janah'
knr
--
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God
--
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God
--
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God
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