Gowri kalyaana vaibohame- Hindu marriage customs by Tamil brahmins

Courtesy: Sri.G.Vishwanath

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This is a liberal (not literal) translation from an old write up in Tamil in Ananda Vikatan titled Gowri Kalyaana Vaibhogame written by Sri T.R Ramesh. Adapted/Translated into English (at his own initiative) by K Raman, Bangalore Link: http://notepad.cc/share/uxDiHeePAG

HINDU MARRIAGE CUSTOMS AS PRACTISED BY BRAHMINS IN TAMIL NADU The Vedas indicate how a marriage is to be conducted and when it is complete. In the Hindu religion, a code of conduct has been laid down for a person from his birth to his death as to how he should lead his life. This code begins from the time the child is conceived. There are nearly 42 different practices enjoined such as Jaathakaranam, Naamakaranam, Annapraashana, Upanayana Vivaaha, Shaanti muhoorta etc. etc. In shaanti muhoorta (nuptial ceremony) also called garbha dhaama the mantra says : "May you bring out a very healthy handsome and intelligent child, born with good character and behaviour and by its birth let our ancestors attain Moksha (liberation from birth and death). May god bless you with such a child. A good child augurs well for a country. MARRIAGE IS SACRED In every person's life normally marriage is performed only once. Therefore the Vedas and customs give importance to this function. There are eighteen different steps in a marriage laid down by scriptures and practices.

These are: 1)Ganesh Pooja : Lord Ganesha is Vighna raaja. He helps prevent obstacles so Ganesha is propitiated and worshipped first.

2)Naandi Devata Pooja: One's soul is represented by several devatas. These are called naandi devatas. As these devatas are closely connected to one's sookhsma shareera i.e the spiritual body, poojas are performed to propitiate these devatas

 3)Navagraha pooja : It is believed that the nine planets ie. Surya, Chandra, Budha, Guru ,Shukra, Shani (Saturn), Mars, Raahu and Ketu all influence one's life on this earth. Hence these planets are worshipped and propitiated.

4)Snaathaka ceremony: During one's early life as a child, during educational career, and brahmacharya, if some sins are committed knowingly or unknowingly, it is the guru who pardons him while leaving the gurukula. The shaastras say that one is fit for marriage only after one completes one's education. From here starts various functions connected with the marriage.

5)Kaashi yaatra: After completing the education, the young brahmachaari takes leave of his guru to start his life in this broad world. The man's life actually starts from the day he marries and sets up his household. But the shaastras prohibit him from going around asking for a girl. and so his option is sanyaas. He takes leave of his guru saying "I shall return after gaining knowledge of worldly life" This is called kaashi yaatra. One can see the boy walking with an umbrella, walking stick, a copy of the Gita, and a small cloth bundle on his person. The fact that a boy ventures on kaashi yaatra, a risky and courageous act, gives a girl's parents the satisfaction that the boy is capable of looking after their daughters. The girl's father approaches him and offers his daughter in marriage and dissuades him from undertaking the kaashi yaatra. If the boy agrees the other matters are settled after contacting the boy's parents.

6)akhsati (rice mixed with haldi powder) As soon as the marriage is fixed, invitation cards are sent by post and some are invited in person. When invitation cards are given in person, akshata is also given along with it. This is considered auspicious. From the time of birth till the end of life man needs food. Our staple food being rice this is included in the invitation.

7)Reception to the bridegroom : One the day of the marriage the boy is received with pomp and splendour. He is first garlanded by the girl and in return the boy garlands her. This exchange of garlands is repeated several times. The girl's maternal uncle and the boy's maternal uncle must help the couple in the exchange of garlands. Their presence therefore during the marriage is considered a must. The boy and girl sit on a jhoola and swing to the accompaniment of music and singing from the spectators.

8)Nischitaartha : Confirmation of oral agreement. From the jhoola the scene shifts to the marriage dias. In the presence of elders, relations, friends, and a large number of invitees the priest asks the girl's father to announce that he is giving his daughter so and so. grand daughter of so and so, great grand daughter of so and so, and belonging to so and so gotra to the son of so and so, grandson of so and so, great grandson of so and so belonging to so and so gotra. If any one has any objection to this alliance he may express it here and now. These words are repeated three times. The purpose of this is to ensure a fool proof system of identification, as many others can have similar names but coincidence of three names is very rare.

9)Homa: Preparation of agni (fire) is pregnant with meaning. One of the earliest discoveries of stone age man living on raw food was fire. From the fire began the growth of civilization. From the stone age till today the one thing that stands by his side and gives him help is fire. Therefore for everything he does man regards fire as a witness to his actions. To ensure that the fire is in full flame he adds ghee to it. The marriage is meaningful only when performed before a full flamed fire.

10) Kanyaadaana: Of all the charities in this world, kanyadaana is considered supreme and unequalled. A father who gives his daughter in marriage i.e kanyaa daana is supposed to give mOkSha to 21 generations. So say the Vedas. While performing the kanyaa daana the father says: imaam kanyaam pradaasyaami pitruNaam dhaaraNavyaayaan kanyaam salamkrutaam saatveem susheelaam sutimate pratyOham prayachaami dharma kaamaartha siddhaye इमाम् कन्याम् प्रदास्यामि पितृणाम् धारणाव्यायान् कन्याम् सलांकृताम् सात्वीम् सुशीलाम् सुतिमते प्रत्योमाम् प्रयश्चामि धर्म कामार्थ् सिद्धये । meaning: this girl with gold ornaments provided by me to the extent of my capacity, is of saatvik guna (Good conduct) civilized behaviour and highly intelligent. Such a girl I am giving you to perform and protect your dharma, wealth and kaama In return for this daana the girl's father gets an undertaking worded : arthEcha kaamEcha mokShEcha naatiti chaaritvam अर्थेच कामेच मोक्षेच नातिति चारित्वम् and in reply the boy says: naadi sharaami, naadi sharaami , naadi sharaami नादि शरामि, नादि शरामि, नादि शरामि The above mantras are repeated three times by the father and the reply is repeated three times. The significance of this is that after the marriage, the girl follows the husband to live with him till death. She partakes in all the happiness and tribulations and stands by him in all situations. Therefore in this life of kaama and after death in moksha the boy promises not to forsake her. This is his undertaking repeated three times. These are not to be treated as empty words. If every bride and bridegroom understands the meaning of this mantra and the undertaking he has given, no marriage will break. 11) Paanigrahanam (handshake) That men and women are equal is the basis of any handshake and paanigrahanam unmistakably shows this. In western countries it is very common to shake hands to show equality and warmth. grihaNaami te suprajaastvaam hastam गृहणामि ते सुप्रजास्त्वाम् हस्तम् extols the vedas in proclaiming paanigrahana as very important. In the Raamayana king Janaka tells Raama: iyam seeta mama sutaa sahadharma chareetava chainam bhadram te paaNim griheeShva paaNinaam इयं सीता मम सुता सहधर्म चरीतव प्रतीस्च चैनं भद्रं ते पाणि गृहीष्व पाणिनां meaning: this Seeta, my daughter, will help you to perform your dharma or duties by being with you. Therefore please accept her. May all auspicious things come to you. Please hold her hand with yours. The bride and bridegroom perform paanigrahana assuring each other of faith in each other.

12) maangalyadhaarana There is reference to the divine mother durga referring to the maangalya sootra tied to her neck by Lord Shiva in Adi shankara's lalitha sahasranaama. While tying the mangal sootra the bride groom says: "maangalyam dantunaanEna mama jeevana hetuna kaNTHe baddhanaami subage tvam jeeva sharadashtam. मांगल्यं दन्तुनानेन मम जीवन हेतुना कण्ठे बद्धामि सुबगे त्वं जीव शरदश्तम् Meaning: This maanagalya being the reason for my family life, I am tying this around your neck. You should live with me for a hundred years. During the maangalya dhaaraNam the boy's sister plays an important part. After the boy ties the first knot, the subsequent knots are tied by her. She is presented a silk saree as a reward. Many people think the wedding is over but it is not so. 13)Sapthapati If one walks seven feet with a person, he becomes his friend, says the shaastra. From time immemorial, kings walked with their guests while giving them a send off. This most important seven feet walk has been adopted in marriage and is called Saptapati. The law on marriage clearly states that no marriage is complete unless saptapati has been performed. In family life, earning of a living particularly for food is important. Saying "Ekam ishe vishNu satvan vetavaa " meaning May Lord Vishnu shower you with wealth for this purpose. The bride groom takes the bride's right foot and puts it forward. This is the first step. Then follows the second step for health, third step for family welfare, fourth step for happiness, fifth step for cattle wealth, sixth step for a suitable dwelling place, and the seventh step for living together in eternal love. The bridegroom tells the bride "You are the earth, I am the sky, You are seeds. I am fields. You are minds. I am words. You are Saama Veda and I am Atharva Veda. Without you I cannot live. Saying this he moves closer to her.

14)Stepping on stone. The bridegroom takes the bride's right foot and places it on a stone nearby. He tells her, "There will be happiness, unhappiness, and trouble in family life. You are entering new surroundings, with new faces. Unexpected problems and obstructions may crop up. This may try your patience and may stand in the way of your oneness and happiness with me. But the stone on which you are standing is firm and unshakable. You must be like the stone in all situations. This warning is lovingly given as the husband has given an undertaking, that in all situations he will stand by his wife.

15)Watching the stars. The husband asks his wife to look at Arundhati star. During nights this star lights up the shows the way to travelers. Similarly "You should in all situations show me the light and help me." In reply the wife shows him the Dhruv star (pole star) and reminds him how the child Dhruva was accosted by his step mother to perform tapas in order to become eligible to sit on his father's lap. Dhruva with single mindedness attained darshan of Lord Vishnu "Like him, you should be steadfast in your actions and steer the life boat successfully"

16)Importance of Homas a)Pradhaan homa : It is believed that when a girl is born she is protected by three deities : Soma, Gandharva and Agni. After her seventh year only is she owned by her parents. The husband, to show gratitude to these deities, performs the pradhaan homa . Both boy and girl partake in it. b) Both by law and dharma the united couple perform this homa. Here the wife affectionately offers a handful of puffed rice (flowered rice made from paddy) to the husband to be offered to Agni. This is also a sort of expression of gratitude to Agni. The Agni lives with the couple throughout their lives. During this homa the bride's mother also assists. It is to remind the bride that though she is to leave the parental house to live elsewhere she is still part of her parent's family and not to be forgotten. After this homa and meals, normally all members of the groom's party must leave taking with them the "fire pot" used during the homa along with the bride for grihapravesha at their place. The Vedas affectionately give a send off to the bride. The Shloka is : moordhanam patyuraa rohaa pratyaacham viraaT bhava samvaagye sastraa bhava. मूर्धानम् पत्युरा रोहा प्रत्याचम् विराट् भवा संवाग्ये सस्त्रा भव । Meaning; You should shine as a queen in your husband's house. May your husband be proud of your qualities and actions. May you behave in such a way that your mother in law treats you with love and affection. Win the love of your husband's sisters.

 17)Nalangu: (Rolling the coconut) After the marriage and a strenuous day, the husband takes rest and relaxes. It is afternoon and the bride likes to spend some time with the husband. So she starts with her close friends and invites him to join in the Nalangu. It is fun to watch. In these days, the grown up couples do not like this idea.

18)Conclusion: In the morning when garlands are exchanged the girl's uncle assists, while the bride-groom ties the mangal sootra the bride sits in her father's lap and the bridegroom's sister assists. At the time of the laaja homa the girl's brother is at her side and gives assistance. Step by step the bride gradually separates herself from her house and and in the evening she goes to the husband to play Nalangu. In modern days the Nalangu is substituted by evening reception. The bride who was shy and reserved in the morning could be seen freely conversing with her husband. Till about 50 years earlier, only after the completion of three days of the marriage was the nuptial ceremony performed. This is known as three night's brahmacharya. Only after shesha homa the nuptial ceremony is performed. These days the nuptial ceremony is performed the same day.

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Om Shaanti , shaanti , shaanti.

 

This is a translation from an old write up in Tamil in Ananda Vikatan titled Gowri Kalyaana Vaibhogame written by Sri T.R Ramesh. Adapted and liberally (not literally) translated into English (at his own initiative) by K Raman, Bangalore

knr

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